Showing posts with label crime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crime. Show all posts

Oct 3, 2011

Catemaco Terrorists

I get so tired of Mexico message boards in English, where a handful of posters regularly spout narco terror messages on threads about people wanting to drive through Mexico. Lately, of course, Veracruz is getting a deserved bashing

Mike Vondruska is a former short term resident of Catemaco, who at one time, was involved in the kayak business on the Malecon. He now operates a Veracruz Tour business, so of course he has a selfish agenda. Nevertheless, the comments he recently made on his blog, are a good defensive read about the current situation and I would suggest forwarding the link to anyone who is interested in Veracruz.

Veracruz Hits the News
October 3rd, 2011
Yes, the city of Veracruz sure did get some attention this past week. Killings, Killings, Killings. Dead bodies dumped in the street.
So now the word is,
“Don’t go to Mexico!”
“Don’t go to Veracruz!”

Incidentally, I do not know of a single US tourist having been killed in 10 years on the principal gulf coast highway #180  running from Brownsville, Texas to Cancun. 


But I did find the curious item of  Texas having had 3,071 traffic deaths in 2009,  with almost half on its rural, non-interstate roads which you need to travel to get to Brownsville.


I am now considering to become a terrorist on Mexico's Spanish message boards about travel to the US.







Aug 16, 2011

Catemaco Zeta

Update: Aug 16, 2011
The violence in Veracruz state has now become something to write home about. Fortunately not in the Veracruz City - Acayucan corridor, including Catemaco.

Go ahead and cry in Spanish:
http://chingadanews.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/ejecutaremos-a-quien-se-interfiera-zetas-responsabilizan-a-javier_duarte-de-la-matanza-veracruz-verfollow/
now in English:
http://www.borderlandbeat.com/2011/08/veracruz-city-and-state-held-hostage.html


Update:  July 11, 2011
Los Tuxtlas were / are happily in the Los Zetas containment area. I think, in the past, they treated the area as a retreat and laid low. Nevertheless there have been dozens of wannabee's representing themselves as Zetas trying to extort local business people.

There have been local shootings, but because of the intransigence of both the local press and institutions, nobody knows whether anything was narco related.

Near Catemaco (about 40 miles away and often mentioned as being in Los Tuxtlas), is a killing field around Rodriguez Clara through which probably no tourist has passed in the last 12 month. Crime and killings, mostly political in that area,  are SOP going on for 30 years and totally unrelated to the popular narco gangs.

Los Zetas, who supposedly control southern Veracruz, are now threatened by both the Gulf Cartel to the north and associates of  the Sinaloa cartel to the south.  Outbursts of violence have occurred in Veracruz City, Coatzacoalcos and Xalapa.

At present the incidence of violence in southern Veracruz is significantly higher than it was a year ago, but not anywhere near the figures in the border states, and, personally, nothing to write home about.


First publication: Nov 2010
An abridged history of the narcos in the Tamaulipas to Catemaco corridor.

Mexico has long been used as a staging and transshipment point for narcotics, undocumented immigrants and contraband destined for U.S. markets. During the 1980s and early 1990s, Colombia was the main exporter of cocaine. When enforcement efforts intensified in South Florida and the Caribbean, the Colombians formed partnerships with the Mexico-based traffickers to transport cocaine through Mexico into the United States.

Miguel Ángel Félix Gallardo known as "El Padrino" (The Godfather) in the 1980s became the first drug czar in Mexico to control all illegal drug traffic in Mexico and the corridors along the Mexico-U.S.A. border.

In 1988, Félix Gallardo began to plan for retirement and convened the nation's top narcos to assign them their respective markets in Mexico. The control of the Tamaulipas (US border in Texas) corridor - then becoming the Gulf Cartel - would be left undisturbed.

Juan Nepomuceno Guerra, a bootlegger and smuggler from the 1930's is credited with founding the Gulf Cartel in the Texas border areas in the 1970's. During the 1980's and 1990's, his nephew Juan Garcia Abrego expanded the business to include Colombian cocaine.

Félix Gallardo was arrested in Mexico in April 8, 1989. and is still in a Mexican high security prison where he enjoys reading his website.
Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested in 1996 and extradited to the US.
Juan Nepomuceno Guerra died in 2001 and never spent a day in jail.

Upon Juan Garcia Abrego´s arrest, Salvador Gómez, assumed control of the cartel. In 1998 he was presumably assassinated by Osiel Cárdenas Guillén, earning Cárdenas the nickname "El Mata Amigos" (The Friend-Killer), who then assumed control.

Cardenas was arrested on 2003 and extradited to the US. Leadership of the cartel then passed to Heriberto Lazcano and cronies.

Los Zetas
Osiel Cárdenas in 1997 had hired Lieutenant Arturo Guzmán Decena, an ex-special forces officer of the Mexican army alleged but not verified to have been trained by the CIA in Georgia. He was soon joined by 30+ other soldiers. They became the enforcement arm of the Gulf Cartel, responsible for most of its violence

Guzmán Decena known as Z1 (Zeta 1, a radio code used by the federal police) was killed in 2002 and succeeded by Z2, Rogelio González Pizaña.

With the arrest of Osiel Cárdenas, Los Zetas in 2003 began its separation from the Gulf Cartel to increase their personal income and initiated a gang war with their former employers, while expanding the geographic reach of  their enterprise to include Veracruz and  to include extorsion, robbery and kidnappings, along with drug smuggling.

The then leader of the Zetas, Rogelio González was captured in 2004 and Z3, Heriberto Lazcano Lazcano, then took control of the Zetas.

In 2008 the Zetas formed a collaboration with the Beltrán Leyva gang and the Juarez and Sinaloa Cartel.

Early 2010, more serious confrontations between the Gulf Cartel , now again supported by the Sinaloa Cartel,  and Los Zetas exploded and are the basis of most of the horror stories coming from the Tamaulipas - Veracruz corridor.

Supposedly the 30+ original Zetas have been joined by several hundred other former military or police agents. Most of the original Zetas are still alive and roaming freely.

Affect on Veracruz.
Veracruz has remarkably not been affected by major narco violence. (Although occasional headlines blast shootouts and killings, they are no more than the norm in Veracruz violence, which, compared to the rest of Mexico is unimpressive.

What has been less reported is the fear factor created in Veracruz by the the extortion of businessmen in entire cities, their kidnappings, and the increase of general organized crime without excessive killings all attributed to "Zetas".

At present Z40, Miguel Treviño Morales is supposedly the commander in Veracruz. He attained that position supposedly after a major shootout at a race track in Veracruz in 2007, which included a major property owner from Catemaco.

The Los Tuxtlas area has seen no violence directly attributed to the narco wars, but is affected by the general sense of insecurity in Mexico, which, locally, is attributed to actions of Los Zetas, but more than likely is of the home grown variety.

Links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drug_war_in_Mexico
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Los_zetas

Jun 7, 2011

Fly united to Catemaco

Oh, oh! The narcos of Veracruz are doing Tamaulipas stuff on the road to heaven (Catemaco), and caused  the toll road to be closed for a few  hours.

8 supposed Zetas were wacked just north of Veracruz City. Milenio (in Spanish).

Apr 18, 2011

Catemaco Kidnap

You guessed it. It's been too damn hot to go anywhere lately and I project that attitude to continue until early June. So, of course, I become prolific.

Mexicans not living in the border areas are generally not concerned with narco killings. In most of the other states, including Veracruz, their pet peeve is extorsion and kidnapping.

An acquaintance/friend of mine operates a branch of one of the larger hardware building supply stores in Los Tuxtlas. He was kidnapped a few years ago and his family paid out a huge sum of pesos. Curiously, most everyone in Catemaco knows who did the job, but they have never been prosecuted.

He now is accompanied by a bodyguard wherever he moves, changed his house with 6 foot fences to a new one with 10 footers, has 3 live-in bodyguards to protect his family 24 hours a day, and has not eaten in a public restaurant in several years.

He says it's a cost of doing business, and he thinks he would have the same problem wherever he might move in Mexico.

Curiously his cost of business is not reflected in his pricing. He is extrordinarily competitive with other chains of building materials, which compared to the US, are robber barons.

Even more curious is that almost all kidnappings are male. Kids and wives are generally immune, except for the recent kidnapping of the mother of a grocery chain owner, by what turned out to be previous employees..

Catemaco is not New York City with dozens of roads leading in and out. Police road blocks and inspections are everywhere. No wonder that locals think that the ones guarding the roads are in cahoots with the kidnappers. Here and everywhere in Mexico.

Even more curious is the absence of newspaper coverage of kidnappings. I would say that possibly one in 5 is reported. And the ones reported rarely have a follow up.  Families of crime victims use the Mexican system of paying to suppress their names in news papers.

That is possibly why there are so many of them in Los Tuxtlas and elsewhere. Where else can you make money by not publishing?

Update: Yesterday 21 March, they found the body of the last local kidnap victim, see Catemaco Diario

Jan 16, 2011

Catemaco Scare

Those police gooneys in face masks and hauling automatic weapons did it again. Two nights ago they surrounded  the city hall and scared the citizenry. As usual nothing happened officially and was not explained to the public the same as two similar events in the last few months.

Unfortunately that happened after the Mexican army killed 12 with no survivors in Xalapa, the state capital, but only confiscated 8 weapons. And then a Veracruz police commander was kidnapped, and then 2 people were bullet holed in Costa de Oro, and then, and then...

My Popoluca who was visiting in Xalapa was scared to death and thinks someone is sending a message to the governor.

Curiously, the entire Catemaco police department left December 31st without even a kiss goodby. The Veracuz state police is now providing security. If that is permanent, who knows? Residents are not allowed to know. Of course there was a rumor that some faction was trying to buy the local police department which apparently upset the new local mayor.

Does any of this affect my daily lifestyle? No!
But I get really peeved at the AFI & AVI (Mex FBI), State Police and Army combat units invading my city and not telling me what for. Officially the latest statistics (15 Jan 2011) show Catemaco with 4 drug war killings since 2007, and the state of Veracruz  with 463. Not bad compared to the country as a whole which had a total of 34612.

Now a Veracruz government official is proposing schools institute classes to provide survival instructions for shootouts. Gee, I already get laughed at when I fall down when I hear firecrackers.
I guess I should now learn to stay away from all Mexican security personnel. That really will make me feel safe.

Update: Demonstrating again why Veracruz inhabitants believe in their justice system as much as in Santa Claus:
24 hours after the Veracruz police commander was abducted, the governor issued a statement that the Mexican Federal Judiciary (PGR) had arrested the commander. 12 hours later PGR denied having the commander in custody.

Dec 19, 2010

Catemaco Prohibition

I am one of the dinosaurs who still smokes in beautiful downtown Catemaco and today I was hit with the price of 40 pesos per pack after a recent federally imposed  price increase. About 80 % of that price is federal Mexican taxes.

Where are the Narcos when I need them? Many of the older ones started as bootleggers during the alcohol prohibition days of the US. Tobacco should be a fertile ground for them.

I remember enjoying 10 bucks per carton days in Baja California when the San Diego price was US 25.

COME ON NARCOS, there is more money in tobacco than dope!

Nov 9, 2010

Catemaco Hummer

Have you seen a blue Hummer lately? If you have, call the equivalent of 911 in Mexico.

I imagine blue Hummers are as obsequious as Nissan Taxis in Mexico. That's is why probably this particular Hummer will never be found.

Its occupants wacked a local newly elected mayor and his entourage of 2 a day ago in an agricultural town about 50 miles northwest of Catemaco. (See the dead ones and the crime history). That area of the municipalities of Rodriguez Clara, Isla and Tuxtepec probably has not seen a tourist since Hernan Cortes, unless a tourist had to drive through there when detoured during the recent flooding.

The area is famous for killings, kidnappings, shootouts on the streets and just general mayhem. It has nothing to do with the northern drug wars going on in the rest of Mexico. It is its own Oaxaca influenced political and narco killing fields, and  is just one of the areas that has maintained the murder rate in Mexico at almost triple the US rate, even before the "drug war".

To partially see why, read
http://catemaconews.blogspot.com/2010/09/good-ol-mexico.html

Anyway, if you´re ever in the area, between Isla and Rodriguez, there is possibly one of the best steak restaurants in Mexico. A little expensive, between 300 and 400 pesos per dish, but definitely worth visiting, especially if you drive a blue Hummer.

Correction: STOP LOOKING - the dead were found inside the blue Hummer.

Update: Certain local bozos go ballistic everytime I mention local crime. Here is some insight from one of my favorite bloggers: Gancho.
(Over?)Attention to Crime
"Out of curiosity, I tallied the number of news stories (excluding op-ed columns) in the front section of Monday's Excélsior that were related to crime, and those that were not. The final tally: 17 were crime-related, 14 not. That strikes me as a high proportion; Excélsior is a bit more sensational than El Universal, but it's not a yellow rag. I'll check El Universal and Milenio's content if I can online, but I imagine that their proportions are not grossly dissimilar."

But apparently the Mexican ambassador to the US does not read Mexican newspapers, as reported by the BBC.
Foreign media 'focus too much on Mexico drug violence'
Mexico's ambassador to the US has criticised the international media for paying excessive attention to the drug-related violence in his country.  Arturo Sarukhan said news organisations gave the impression the whole of Mexico was ablaze with violence.

Sep 3, 2010

Good ol' Mexico

Old Mexico hands are finally getting a chance to relive the good old days. The murder statistics are now at the levels they were 10 years ago. The only change seems to be in victims and murder tools. Formerly it was a large percentage of politicians, nowadays it is largely drug dealers. And automatic weapon usage has skyrocketed, where simple pistols, knifes and machetes used to probably be the favorite tools.

Oh - for the good all days.

The statistic comes from an interesting article:
How the expiration of the assault weapon ban affected Mexico.
by Diego Valle Jones

You can also find your favorite Mexican crime statistic here.
http://www.icesi.org.mx/estadisticas/estadisticas_oficiales.asp

Official Catemaco crime statistics are so low they are almost laughable. The last statistic from 2008 indicates 32 accidents, and 216 arrests, mostly of the drunk and disorderly variety.

Mar 1, 2010

Catemaco Housemate

Mexico, without a doubt, has the finest police and justice system that money can buy.

A family member was arrested on Friday afternoon on the Catemaco highway by pistol wielding officers of the Judicial Police. Apparently an arrest warrant had been issued for him because he deposited a check in what was supposedly a fraudulent transaction.

So he was destined to go to jail until proven innocent. And the negotiations began in the offices of the "judiciales". They settled for 30 thousand pesos.

Do you know anyone that has that kind of cash on a Friday night? We scraped and pleaded to collect the cash and delivered it in a large black SUV with tinted windows, which was promply surrounded by the entire police contingent touting automatic weapons and sub machine guns. Apparently they thought we were drug dealers getting ready to break out our comrade.

So now the kid is in my house, but he cannot leave.

There are six teams of arresting officers in the Catemaco judicial zone. And although the "comandante" was part of the negotiations, only the arresting team was bribed. Now there are 5 more teams looking for the kid.

So, of course, he is hiding until our attorney can get an "amparo"  (injunction to stop a legal proceeding or arrest) which can take from 2 to 6 weeks.

Curiously an arrest warrant does not give police the right to enter a private house. A different warrant has to be issued, but only if the police saw the suspect entering the house.

So, of course, I only let the dog out of the house.

Feb 8, 2010

The Pits of Catemaco

This last week has been terrible in Catemaco. At least according to the local rumor mills which are in hyper drive and touching every local paranoid´s dreams.

4 people shot by the the military was the biggest rumor that I actually believed because some upper echelon government people confirmed it. In actuality, there were two sets of gunfire, both the result of drivers not stopping when asked to stop by military forces carrying machine guns. One stupid young man was shot, but not killed.

Then there are the famous Mexican kidnappings for cash. The last one to be publicized is now rumored to have been a drug vendetta, and the one before that, a bad debt collection. The latest one to cross my sights involved a millon pesos and the father of a kid who supposedly directs some of the nasties in Catemaco. Now that makes absolutely no sense.

Today supposedly a taxi driver was killed in a nearby community. That turned out to be a man on man violation, which is as close to death as you can get in Macho Mexico, without dying.

Meanwhile I happily hop into my topless yellow buggy and cruise the streets of  beautiful down and uptown Catemaco literally 24 hours a day and aside from gathering hundreds of smiles and a few dirty looks,
I feel as safe as Alice in Wonderland.

Jun 19, 2009

Catemaco Homos

In beautiful downtown Catemaco the news is primarily spread by word of mouth, followed by dilapidated vehicles announcing whatever a publisher thinks will get people to pay 5 pesos for a copy of their drivel.

The most reliable news seems to be an FM radio station that knows which of its sides is politically buttered.

Today's 120 decibel news announcement was of a homosexual killed on the passing federal highway, allegedly after enjoying himself on the Malecon.

Mexico, aside from having  the propensity of killing reporters, also has has some of the most perverse laws on the books for defamation and libel and regularly jails reporters for investigatory comments.

The most recent local perversion is jailing a legless reporter, Victor Luna,  for alleging improprieties in the lottery system of the nearby city of San Andrés Tuxtla. The most recent national notoriety is an ongoing battle of a reporter alleging a governor to be a child pornographer and drug dealer.

The really annoying aspect is that newspapers are afraid of mentioning anything or anyone with political pull, when describing an accident or crime scene. Usually those occured in a "lugar conocido"  by an "empresario conocido" ( known place and known businessman).

That does not stop them from publishing gruesome photos of crime victims, including their names and data, but, curiously, when I published one, Google yanked it off my blog.

Lesbian ran over while reading Catemao News
Tomorrow I am awaiting full photo coverage and personal details of a bisexual, transsexual, or oh shucks, a lesbian, who got run over by a heterosexual while reading Catemaco News on a, whatever sex,  lap top.

Feb 8, 2009

24 American drug dealers killed in Mexico

That may be the next headline on the supercilious mexicophile mexfiles.net blog.
Thank the lord, Canadians don't read these headlines. They freak out after the count of 5.

Headline: Houston Chronicle: More than 200 Americans killed in Mexico since '04

Dec 30, 2008

Catemaco Crime Wave

Naturally someone had to upset my enjoyment of the Christmas shenanigans in beautiful downtown Catemaco. A good friend who had left the so called "war zone" of Oaxaca for the peaceful environs of Laguna Catemaco called desperately wanting to borrow my machine pistol for the next few days.

Apparently he is being victimized by an extorsion phone call demanding the magnificent sum of 15,000 pesos or they'd kill his family. Naturally I rushed my phone recorder, caller ID equipment and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Green Label to his rescue. My gun, unfortunately was glued to my fingers, so I had to call another friend to share his arsenal with this poor under gunned soul.

I've been somewhat following the frequency of phone extorsions in Mexico, so it was no surprise to me that the local police commander calmly stated something like "Oh, yeah, we have reports of 6 of these calls today, with 4 from your colonia (neighborhood)". As an afterthought the corrupt greedy SOB mentioned he would be willing to negotiate a settlement.

After hearing that, I thought to myself that the recent report of 110,000 of these type of calls in Mexico City this year, were probably a Florida undercount.

There are unfortunately no statistics of how many victims actually paid, or whether anyone, anywhere was hurt because of one of these calls.

Nevertheless, it is a frightening experience to receive one of these extorsion calls, and that is why I was so willing to share the local rarity of my green Johnnie Walker, but not my gun.

Dec 15, 2008

Catemaco corruption

After years of being involved in a property possession fight, we finally received an official judgement declaring us owners of the contested property.

This legal maneuver, occupying more than two years was never a priority to us so we never paid the customary bribes to advance its case in court. NOW after finally receiving an ultimate court decision in our favor, the frigging judge who is supposed to officially publish the judgement wants 20,000 pesos.

Guess what? We paid him.! Just another beautiful downtown Catemaco vignette.

Dec 13, 2008

Catemaco Crime

Beautiful downtown Catemaco is allegedly becoming a retirement home.

The ZETAs, one of the most feared drug gangs in Mexico, are supposedly declaring Catemaco a protected turf without the reported Mafia style protection rackets and kidnappings now so popular on the Mexican gulf coast.

Welcome home ZETAS!

They can not be any worse than the corrupt national and state politicians who have scooped up prime pieces of real estate in Catemaco and Los Tuxtlas and stolen a large percentage of Catemaco's yearly fiscal budget.

Current US newspapers are in a frenzy over Mexican drug related killings. What they, and most foreign tourists, forget is that Mexico is an extraordinarily violent country. Fortunately most of the violence is bestowed on fellow Mexicans, leaving gringos virtually unscathed.

Murder rates traditionally have been 3 to 4 times higher in Mexico than the US! And that includes flawed Mexican statistics which are know to to depend on bullets in the heart to be reported as heart attacks.

So who cares about a few thousand druggies wasting each other!

I know you don't believe me, so here are the somewhat outdated statistics:
http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/cri_mur_percap-crime-murders-per-capita

Nov 12, 2008

Catemaco machetes

+`l`´This one really got me.

Here I am in beautiful downtown Catemaco and almost no week passes by without the machete slashing  of  someone in Los Tuxtlas. The majority of these machete slashed victims are women. This is not a serial killer at work, just the usual macho at work.
In the last few weeks,  many women of LosTuxtlas got what they deserved. AT least in the minds of associated psychopath machos of the area. Usually these crimes are directly attributable to family members, usually supposedly cuckolded husbands.

How the hell does this area pretend to protect its environment if they can´t even protect its women.

Mar 11, 2008

Women Sold in Southern Veracruz

On your next trip to Catemaco and Los Tuxtlas, bring along some spare change and pick up a nice little souvenir. Of course, it may not fit your baggage.

This recent article from a local newspaper highlights an outrageous practice still common in parts of Mexico. (Excerpted and loosely translated from Spanish).

In the 21st century the sale of women in the state of Veracruz is on the rise, stated the chairman of the State Commission of Human Rights who elaborated that the practice occurs more frequently in southern part of the state, where even parents exchanged their daughters for crops, livestock or money.

On this International Women's Day he claimed that little progress has been made related to human rights for women. This outrageous situation persists and affects females vulnerable to violence in all its forms, and who in some communities still are seen as a mere commodity subject to barter.

The majority of them are minors, whose own family surrender them to strangers to get some economic advantage, no matter what their fate will be, subjecting them to become mere sex objects who are beaten, humiliated, forced to do chores and inappropriate practices.
Source: Diario del Istmo - Spanish

Aug 27, 2007

Catemaco Gun Control

Offically you cannot buy a gun in Catemaco.

For that matter, you cannot buy a gun in the entire state of Veracruz,or in 29 other Mexican states or in Mexico City. The only gun shop in Mexico is in Naucalpan, outside Mexico City in the state of Mexico and is run by the Mexican army. There you have a variety of choices as long as the caliber is less than a 38 special, or a 10 gauge shotgun.

Unofficially, over the last few years I have been offered an AK47 assault rifle popularly known as “Cuerno de Chivo” (Goat’s horn), a couple of 9mm’s, a MAC10, and a sawed off shotgun. Prices are in the arm and a leg range, although I hear the border towns have daily specials.

Incidentally if you travel with an unregistered weapon you better carry a large amount of cash with you. Otherwise you WILL go to jail and stay there.

Mexico is the sixth most violent country in the world!http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/cri_mur_percap-crime-murders-per-capita
And there you thought the home of Rambo was heading the list. WRONG! The US is way down at number 24.

Isn´t gun control wonderful in Mexico?

Pick out your favorite shooting iron here:
http://www.laarmeria.com.mx/catalog/default.php?cPath=22And then go and pick it up here
www.sedena.gob.mx/index.php?id=123

and then you can join fellow Mexican gun-nuts here.
http://www.mexicoarmado.com/

Aug 26, 2007

Catemaco Forensics

Aside from roadkill, laguna floaters, occasional dumped bodies and aftermaths of machete duels, there have only been 8 known murders in the past year in Catemaco. As of today, the valiant police agencies of Catemaco continue doing what they are good at, which is basically riding around in the back of pickup trucks and scratching their balls.

On a recent short ride (100 miles) we had the fortune to be stopped by 4 other Veracruz enforcement agencies which were bereft of pickup trucks but otherwise performed the same functions.

So the local rumors that a next town coroner is now being investigated for diagnosing 2 recently departeds with heart disease, while being afflicted by one or two bullets through those organs, comes as no surprise.

After all, this is supposed to be the witchcraft capital of the world.

Curiously, now the dozens of motor riding brujo (witch) shills usually accosting tourists at the entrances of Catemaco, have gone into retirement. Possibly they did so to avoid heart disease, and probably because their masters all seem to have decided to take vacations.

There is a wicked thought in the back of my head. Could brain disease be diagnosed in some of those hundreds of shills pestering tourists along the Malecon with offers of boat rides and other enjoyments

Aug 19, 2007

Catemaco bodyguard

He is afraid to get near water without wearing a life jacket because he cannot swim.

You should see what he wears while guarding me.

I need a bodyguard like I need an extra toe on my foot. But my Popoluca has been insistent since both family members and familiars began making unexpected obituary notices.

My bodyguard is almost as confused as I am. He thinks that I am his bodyguard, which may be true because he is my Popoluca's favorite son.

Anyway, the two of us have been seen driving a mysterious dark window tinted black SUV throughout the inaccessible areas of Los Tuxtlas, and the word on the street is that we are probably two gay drug lords visiting their plantations. The smart observors think we are buying up Los Tuxtlas at bargain prices and are now tripling their asking prices.

Catemaco is not far from the end of the universe in terms of accessibility. Nevertheless, the pueblo has a relatively violent history. Some of the lurid items are political candidates shooting each other in the thirties, and a multiple homicide brujo war in the 1990's.

Lately, the homicide rate in this village of 24,000 has been increasing beyond the usual machete shlashings of disrespectful friends or family.
Some serious assassinations involving kidnaps, drugs, drugs, and more drugs have been making statewide headlines along with the Catholic church supposedly booing the local brujos.

All that mayhem is gist for chit chat, and boy, oh boy, does Catemaco have chit chat. I seriously think that a loud fart on one end of Catemaco will be discussed on the other end within minutes.

Anyway, today's murder case, involving the chief brujo's son seems to have been converted into a simple kidnap with blood loss.

Nevertheless my Popoluca now wants to add another guard to my entourage.

Would someone know whether there are any used Pope Mobiles available?