World’s Largest Tegogolo Cocktail

republished from july 27, 2006
Sitting here in beautiful soaked downtown Catemaco I am thinking of what could make Catemaco more famous.

AND IT DAWNED ON ME:
The World´s largest Tegogolo Cocktail, better known as THE WORLD’S LARGEST FRESH WATER SNAIL COCKTAIL.

Judging by the Guinness Book of Records, at present there are absolutely no entries in that category.

So, we would not want to insult them by serving one of those miniature cups served on the Malecon. Instead, we could use theabondoned garbage dump on the Coatzacoalcos entrance to Catemaco.

The surroundings could be cleaned up, the circular repositary could be filled with a plastic liner from Lopez Miranda, and the Maxacapan crowd could be urged to provide Tegogolos at wholesale prices. Around 200 kilos should do (maybe 450 pounds). Since tegogolos are supposed to be aphrodisacs, that quantity is just enough to give an erection to the state of Veracruz.

500 US dollars publicity via REUTERS or YAHOO would possibly attract thousands of erection seekers to Catemaco.

Hotels and the carretera whore houses would flourish. Brujos would flinch because they never promoted the substance.

And hopefully, all those tegogolos would have gotten big and fat after eating all the effluent discharging from the Catemaco sewer lines which at present lead directly into Laguna Catemaco.

Reference: How do I become a Guiness world record holder?

Catemaco Shit

I smell of shit. My house smells of shit. And especially my dog smells of shit. If my Popoluca were here, she would smell of shit.

For 9 years, I am living in a town that for 4 to 6 months of the years requires pedestrians to cross sheets of sewage flowing down the principal streets of Catemaco.

The local sewage system is 50 years old and totally incapable of handling the shit of a population that more than quadrupled during those years.

So during my 9 years, the principal public works in Catemaco City have been remodeling the town hall, painting the lake walk, and again, remodeling the town hall and painting the lake walk..

For the last 6 years the same inept person has managed the system that after 6 years still cannot get its sewage system to work, and instead contaminates the lake and the river flowing out of Catemaco. In addition the incompetent has greatly expanded the sewage connections to a system totally incapable of handling that load of shit.

Promises of corrections to the system have been on the political palate for years. Last year around 50 million pesos were bragged about to be spent on repairing the sewage system.

Instead, a few months ago, work began on an 11 million peso dock jutting into the lake that has no function except for visitors to ogle the laguna which is already accommodated by 5 view points along the lake front.

Meanwhile I wade through shit to enter my house, which is directly on the corner of the Malecon.

You think I a am concerned about narcos in Veracruz? Hell, no! I care about shit. And typically, neither my community nor the country can handle either!

Too bad, I can´t vote, or participate in politics!
see: http://www.catemaco.info/s/catemaco/ciudad/alcantarillado.html  (in Spanish, of course)

Catemaco Homshuk

Catemaco actually has a Harvard graduate.

It's most famous former resident, supposedly from Tenaspi Island in the Catemaco lake apparently disappeared from Catemaco and turned up at Harvard University. From there he reappeared at the Anthropology Museum in Xalapa, Veracruz.

Clicking on the photo or link, which will take you to a nice fable about the small statue, supposedly of the Popoluca god "Homshuk", first identified by Frans Blom in 1925 in Catemaco.

Laguna de Catemaco and the Homshuk Legend

The Colors of Catemaco

At times the lake of Catemaco shimmers with more colors than the famous Laguna Bacalar in Quintanta Roo. At other time, when the strong winds of summer churn strong, beautiful storm waves, the lakes`s waters glitter bright blue between brillant white froth. The rest of the time, the lake vacillates among shades of light brown and weird green. 

I guess green is what the current mayor of Catemaco saw, when he began painting the municipal infrastructure a bright shade of green. 

The mayor before him saw red, and painted anything available to slap paint over, a nice obnoxious red, incluiding the street curbs. 

The mayor before him, obviously a whimp, painted all of the Catemaco Malecón in white.
 That is after his predecessor painted the same structures black. 

Curiously, except for the red mayor, all others, including the current one, paint the curbs of their new streets bright yellow, which only last as long as about a third of their term in office. 

A gallon of paint costs about the equivalent of  4 daily minimal salaries. 

Of course everybody loves the colors of Mexico!

Catemaco Orphanage

Before I settled in Catemaco I had gotten a whiff that there might be an orphanage here. It took me a few months until I found it. I had previous experience supporting children in the Far East with "Catholic Relief Services" and damaging some of them with another affiliation and I was looking to find a place to put my 2 cents.

In 1995, a religious señora donated one hectare, (2.5 acres) on the outskirts of Catemaco to a charitable agency to establish a home for children without homes.

The receiving agency was the brothers of the Order of Mercy, a catholic monk organization founded in 1218, http://orderofmercy.org/. The Order had begun operations in Mexico City in 1984 and now houses several hundred children there.

A holding facility, locally called "Casa Hogar", with 6 rooms and a supervisor quarter were constructed on the large terrain in Catemaco, a few kids were imported, and then the continuity of the project died.

The monastic order has been trying to enlarge the facility to accomodate more than 100 children, primarily from Los Tuxtlas , BUT, because of changing land values in the last 10 years, survivors of the original donor have been fighting for posession of the property.

For the last 9 years, as far as I know, my Popoluca and I have been the only local private presence supporting the children with electric and electronic equipment, school supplies, food, etc.

In a small way they are supported by the local catholic church organization, and of course by their substantially larger Mexico City Order . According to the "father" supervising the Casa, that support is "negligible".

Originally  I had thought that these childrens were all orphans. Most are not. Instead they were collected from damaging environments, such as child abusers and  violent parents.

I have followed some of  them for the past 9 years and am happy to see some achieve university status.

Meanwhile there is a group of children that need support, and yes, they are tax deductible!

Casa Hogar Villa Nolasco, AC

http://www.casahogarvn.org.mx

Photo: Taken in 2005. Usually when I am building something, I invite the kids to work for a stipend, that time, cleaning my beach.

I love my Catemaco maid

I inherited my current maid from her sister who is now a relatively well paid full time nanny to a rug rat in Xalapa with my family.

I am now desperately trying to keep the cost of my smoking habit below the cost of my current  6 day,  6 hour a day, maid.

I probably won´t, but who cares, there are another 1000 young women prepared to slave over dirty laundry and dishes for less than my smoking habits.

Just another way to enjoy beautiful downtown Catemaco.

PS - if you did not recognize the sarcasm, you must be living in Vallarta.

Catemaco worms

This is a repost from 2007

My dogs fairly regularly produce feces with wiggly things and we rush them to the veterinarian.

My Popoluca regularly deworms herself and is incredulous that I prefer not to do so, and she thinks it is an outright lie when I tell her I have never been de-wormed in my adult life.
Since she also knows a few gringos, we have compared notes. Now she is convinced that Mexican worms do not like gringos.

Beautiful small town Catemaco is not that far removed from the days when shoes where a luxury, and topless bathing in the laguna was the norm. And a trip into the higher surrounding sierras will reveal that to still be the norm in many riverside communities.

Parasite infection is a serious problem in rural children in Mexico and the Mexican health system has serious preventative and control measures in place. But apparently the message that once you took all those preventative measures and reached adulthood, that ritual practice of de-worming became unnecessary, has not filtered down, or maybe I am missing something

And the drug producers are happy.
Or maybe I have worms and don´t know it.

Today's headline August 2011
http://www.informantesenred.com/emprenden-campana-de-desparasitacion-para-trabajadores-de-limpia-publica/

And BTW - she forced me to swallow a cure all for whatever supposedly wiggles in me, and I have been constipated since.

Santa Muerte of Catemaco

The holy death phenomena hit home yesterday, when four ghostly "Santa Muerte" statues showed up on the shores of Laguna Catemaco.

That Mexican culture appears to be infused with death worships is evident in the "Dia de los Muertos" festival mostly in southern Mexico, and the many macabre sculptures found among Mexican civilizations dating as far back as the Olmecs.

So it seems fairly natural that the national intelligencia evokes assorted Aztec gods as forerunners of the religion. More skeptical cogniscenti, including Wikipedia in Spanish, claim the cult was founded in the early 1960's in Catemaco. Others of course denigrate the idea.

The cult of Santa Muerte gets regularly trounced by the Catholic Church. So it was curious, that the Mexican government registered the cult as an official church in 2003, providing its followers with oodles of publicity.

Meanwhile it is said that the cult draws followers largely from those who daily put their lives at risk, which of course has prompted the accusation that Santa Muerte is the saint of the narcos.

The few locals with whom I have discussed the cult, deny that it originated in Catemaco. I neither know nor care. But it sure is good for business. The central market has several stalls featuring Santa Muerte, and of course, most brujos use the imagery to entertain or frighten their clients.

For a fairly comprehensive discussion read Wikipedia English:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Muerte

Gringo Lions in Catemaco

Veracruz newspapers are falling all over themselves praising the appearance of the governor's wife in Catemaco for the initiation of the international eyeglasses campaign "First comes Vision" (la vista primero). In the fine print they mention something about Wisconsin.

So I did a little research.

Apparently the Wisconsin Lions Club for the past 10 years has made annual pilgrimages to Mexico to deliver eyglasses and provide vision examinations to thousands in impoverished towns. Usually they pick three towns in Veracruz, and this year it was Catemaco's turn.

Thousands of Lions are involved in Wisconsin collecting eyeglasses throughout the year. The collection is then turned over to trained inmates in the Wisconsin prison system for repair, regrinding and refurbishing.

 A team of mostly retired Lions, including several ophtalmologists, then make the annual trips, to distribute the up to 10 thousand pairs of eyeglasses, and work 12 hours days for up to a week to fit them to their wearers.

This year their Wisconsin Lions Foundation also collected 13 thousand dollars to donate to schools for the blind in Veracruz that were damaged in the recent floods.

Here in Catemaco they are being assisted by fellow Mexican Lions. And of course they created a great photo opportunity for a dozen politicians and functionaries to steal the limelight.

These Lions deserve heartfelt thanks and a lot of respect for demonstrating the humanitarian heart of the US people that is nowadays so overshadowed by negative reporting in foreign lands.

Thank You Lions. ROAAAAAR.

Visit their page 

Wisconsin Lions Mission to Mexico

Clean Catemaco

The major news event in beautiful downtown Catemaco today was the delivery of 16 chintzy new brooms and accessories to some of the sweepers of Catemaco streets.

These sweepers are the heart and soul of Catemaco. Without them the city would look like a  mismanaged McDonald parking lot.

Of course, to deliver the sixteen brooms, 8 municipal government officials showed up on a platform, while 6 of the construction crew, who erected the presentation platform, idly waited to dismantle the platform for the next performance.

Presentation platforms are a major fountain of employment for Mexico's unemployed. Here in Catemaco, and I think that is true throughout Mexico, the first major expenditure of a new mayor is the construction of a new platform and background to deliver his speeches.

Usually (at least in Catemaco) the old mayor stole the lumber, so a new plywood and 2x4 contraption is constructed, and if the old mayor also stole the alphabet to post messages, there are dozens of Mexican companies waiting to replace them.

And, of course the city needs a triennial slogan that no one will forget, except for the park benches that were embossed with another slogan in a previous administration.

This year it is "Juntamos adelante". Great words meaning "Forward, together!" Does anyone remember the Chinese Revolution? or the ones from the next to last  Catemaco triennial "Escapate a Catemaco" "Escape to Catemaco"?

Here the favorite background color was red, supposedly indicating the blood spilled in the Mexican Revolution, or lately better known as the juice sucked out of its citizens.

The background on the platforms now is white, (The local Veracruz governor promoted rainbow colors in his administration, but the color of his aorta and its aherents is still solidly PRI red,  although the current mayor surprisingly decided to paint the primary touristic boulevard in a pleasant green.

Jolly Catemaco

It is not the season to be jolly in beautiful downtown Catemaco. At least for considerably more than half the municipal employees.

As of January 1st, a new mayor is in town and every one of them is at the whim of politics to either continue to be employed or to join the unemployed.

There is no functional civil service in Mexico. And the consequences are as can be expected: generally inefficient, corrupt, unfriendly, brow beaten and kowtowing to their superiors.

Mexican municipal governments separate their workers into three classes, base, confianza and elected.

"Elected workers" are the elected officials. In Catemaco there are 5, the presidente municipal (mayor), 4 regidores (councilmen) and 1 sindico (comptroller+/-). Effectively only the mayor is of importance. All are significantly over paid in relation to the median wages of their electorate. On the municipal level they are elected for three years, and cannot be reelected until 3 more years have passed.

"Confianza" employees are generally all the bosses and sub-bosses of departments, technicians and specialty workers. Their pay schedule is considerably below that of elected workers but way above the "base" employees. They are appointed by the mayor. Well substantiated rumors claim that  many contribute a percentage of their salaries to their political bosses. Although the mayor appoints most, significant interference is exerted by superior level politicians.

"Base" employees are generally the peons of the system, mostly near minimum wage workers, doing mostly menial jobs. Unless temporarily contracted, after 6 months they have lifetime tenure, and are damn hard and very expensive, to get rid off. They are entitled to form one, and only one, union.

Obviously the temporary nature of elected and confianza workers is problematic. Their only hope for future employment is related to their political connections.

Elected workers only continued employment rests with the next level government, which is the state, in case of municipal employees.

Obviously the best interest of elected and confianza workers lies in themselves instead of their community. The results are obvious to anyone familiar with Mexico.

Guillain Barré.

34 cases of a form of the rare paralyzing disease of Guillain Barré were recently diagnosed in Cordoba, about 120 miles northwest of Catemaco.
http://www.elgolfo.info/0/vnc/nota.vnc?id=51412

Catemaco "BOOM"

May all gods forgive me, but I chuckle about the regular explosions occurring around México. This has nothing to do with narco wars, just the incompetence of Mexico to regulate itself.

The recent news of 15 deaths involving a robbery of a Mexico oil pipeline is just a  minor figure in the statistics of gas pipeline and tanks explosions, petroleum explosions, fireworks explosions, and even car explosions.

Here in beautiful downtown Catemaco, events are relatively quiet this year, with only the occasional  similacrum of an Afghanistan bomb sounding fire cracker being exploded.
For several  previous years, I seriously wanted to buy ear muffs to protect myself and my dog, except of course for the occasional touristic fireworks that sometimes are superlative when some governmental tinhead decides to sponsor one.

Meanwhile everyone is anxiously awaing the burning of the "viejo" at the end of the year in Catemaco.
That is when hundreds of houses in Catermaco plant a manequin of an old man in front of their homes, stuffed with junk and fireworks to explode on New Years eve.

Just make sure your car is a block away, if you can find one that's not occupied by a manequin.

.

Catemaco Movies

The last movie theater in Catemaco closed 10 or more years ago. San Andrés hung on a little longer until about 6 years ago.

This weekend San Andrés reopened with 2 screens and Harry Potter, a block north of city hall.

Meanwhile Cafe de Nadie above the bank in Catemaco features a Tuesday movie night with mostly "artsy" choices.

Catemaco Gas

Along with gasoline, the behemoth PEMEX also controls the LPG supply (liquid petroleum gas) of Mexico. Distribution, though, is in private hands, and is alleged to be controlled by Mexico’s famous handful of family oligarchs.

Mexico is not self sufficient in butane and propane, the two major ingredients of LPG gas. More than 5% of Mexican gas stocks are flared, (burned), instead of being captured. Any shortage in stocks is covered by imports from the US. Piped natural gas installations, although considerably more cost effective, are still a rarity in Mexico. The great majority of Mexican homes depend on gas cylinders or residential stationary tanks, for both cooking and water heating. Mexico is the world’s largest consumer of residential LPG gas.

Catemaco, Veracruz is served by 2 gas companies, which maintain irregular route service to exchange tanks. The system is inconvenient, wasteful, incompetent, corrupt and expensive.

1. - To initiate gas service, the user must first buy his own tank, which can then be exchanged for a gas company tank. (600+/- pesos for a 20 kg tank)
2. - If you exchange that shiny new tank, you will receive a banged up, rusty cylinder.
3. - At any time, if there is a problem with a tank, the company will exchange it free. If there is a problem with the valve, the user is charged.  Guess the percentage of tanks versus valves!
4. - This is cash country. If nobody is at home to pay for the exchange, no tank is delivered.
5. - If you carry your own tank to the gas company and it is still 1/3 full, you will be charged for filling the whole tank.
6. - As with gasoline, you may be charged for 20 kg and only receive 18.
7. - There is no delivery or pickup service on Sunday, and both companies take long lunch hours, open late and close early.
8. - There is no delivery service by appointment, except for stationary tanks.
9. - The LPG price is fixed by the government once every month, and is roughly based on international pricing. 201 pesos per 20 kg (Nov 2010)
10. - Caloric content of Mexican LPG (BTU, the actual heat potential) is kept a secret from Mexican consumers, so price comparison with electricity is not functional, but it definitely is cheaper.

Gas Tanks come in 3 basic sizes, plus some smaller portable tanks, 10, 20 and 30 Kg. Theres is also a 45 Kg tank  which weighs almost as much as a Volkswagen. Catemaco’s most popular tank is the 20 Kg version which weighs as much as a skinny muchacha. (100 lbs+/-)

The 20 Kg tank is recommendable for consumers filling their own tanks. A typical installation of 2 x 20 Kg tanks plus a two way valve will cost almost 2000 pesos, including a handtruck and a wrench. Filling your own tanks saves the aggravation of messing with abused valve systems and often having to pay for them. (Incidentally I have yet to locally find a slip valve system to install on my tanks instead of the cumbersome left turn wrench system).

LPG gas is odorless. Methanethiol is added to create a noticeable foul smell in case of leakage. Mexico had a very major LPG gas explosion about 20 years ago and minor ones every week.
At present (Nov 2010) the cost of LPG gas is roughly 10 pesos per kilogram. That is approximately 20 pesos per gallon. Current US price averages US $ 2.50+ per gallon. In my experience a 20 Kg tank costing 200+ pesos (Nov 2010), lasts 2 people about a month, using a stove, but no oven, a hot water heater and an electric washing machine. One important observation is that the tank(s) will only be empty when whoever changes them is taking a shower!

LPG gas is also popular as an alternative fuel for many trucks in Los Tuxtlas, and supported by 2 filling stations with short hours. The fuel LPG is cheaper than the home LPG because it is not taxed as much.

Note: Repeated from 2006 after editing.

Blackballed in Catemaco

Getting blackballed in beautiful downtown Catemaco is actually good for you. That is if you are a Mexican of conscription age.

Since 1944, Mexico has required national military service of any male between the ages of 18 and 40. Females were not wanted until 2006 when voluntary enlistment became available.

Males must register at age 18, and during the following year are obligated to attend a lottery where their military service is decided. The lottery is administered by SEDENA, the Mexican Defense Force, and consists of drawing balls from an urn.

A black ball gives the lucky winner a free ride from military service except being on standby until age 40.

A white ball compells the lucky winner to perform military service, generally described by young men as "marching" on weekends, with almost no military training. (A blue ball, sometimes used in Veracruz, lands the winner in the Navy.)

Failure to have a valid "cartilla" (draft card) may obstruct foreign travel, enrollment in some schools and unavailability of some jobs. Since some legal changes in 2002, that likelihood has diminished.

All of the fighting ranks of the Mexican army and navy are filled by voluntary enrollment with a minimum of 3 years for privates.

Remarkably only 189 Mexican military have died among the supposed 28000 war dead in the current Mexican War on Drugs
Probably more Mexican Americans soldiers (based on casualties with Hispanic surnames who must have valid US citizenship or residence and also includes non Mexican Hispanics), are being killed in the Mideast wars than Mexican soldiers in the Mexican Drug War. Total Iraq+ so far: 489.

Catemaco LBFM

First time I heard "LBFM" was from a past middle aged Gringo, diabetes consumed, former "friend" who wanted to make Catemaco his home about 8 years ago.

Then through the years, I heard the expressions from weird Gringos hauling their junk from the US border through Catemaco on their way to the coasts of Honduras where supposedly "LBFM's" were dirt cheap.

About a week ago I met another gringo in Catemaco who wanted to know if I knew any "LBFM's".

Frankly, I do not know any "Little Brown Fucking Machines". 

But if you frequent the zona roja on the carretera in Catemaco you will probably find "FM's". Just make sure that they are of the gender that you were looking for.

Catemaco Work

Beautiful downtown Catemaco depends on tourism.

But in my heart I question whether some of that tourism deserves to exists.

This weekend, October 29 to November 3 again is one of those famous "puentes" when the entire government shuts down.  Anyone in Mexico worth their political soul, including every politician, occupants of any job above mid range political rungs, judges, notaries, teachers or most municipal employees, will abscond from their duties which by Mexican federal law should only include the 2nd of November.

Meanwhile all the "little people" of Mexico  work their usual 10 to 12 hour days, 6 days a week, without overtime, to make sure the above "pendejos" can return to their work and make sure that the rubber bands that hold Mexico together keep stretching.

Catemaco Loft

Here you may select a book or other reading material and - sipping your coffee, tea, wine or whatever - relax comfortably in a hammock or seat, reading peacefully.

We have a broad range of fiction and non-fiction in English and Spanish.

Our Book Exchange Plan is based on the principle of "bring a book - take a book". You may borrow as many books as you wish, replacing them with an equal number of books that you have brought. If you do not presently have a book to exchange, speak with us and we'll work something out.

(We will also gladly accept donations of used or new books. We are especially in need of Spanish language books at present.)

We plan on showing films every Wednesday evening at 7:30, free of charge to our customers. These films will include both documentaries and commercial films.

WiFi, of course, is available free to our customers in " the loft ".

We sincerely hope that " the loft " will be an added pleasure for our customers, and that it will promote reading, through our free book exchange plan, among the residents, our amigos, of Catemaco and Los Tuxtlas.

Visit "the loft "

La Casa de Los Tesoros

Calle Aldama Altos #4

Catemaco, Veracruz, Mexico

(Third floor, on the lake side of the Church of the Virgen del Carmen)

(294) 943 2910

" the loft " is available for meetings and presentations; including video and sound equipment.

Catemaco health

it's bigger than it looks

Catemaco health care is something to die for.

My local family, who is not among the rich and famous of Mexico but does include 2 doctors, heads for Veracruz City specialists at the drop of a suspected problem. Need a new eyeglass prescripton? head for Veracruz. The kid is sick? head for Veracruz. Think you need an operation, head for Xalapa.

Apparently so far, I am the only one that has faith in the local doctors that have attended me, although I sympathize with serious trauma victims or those with serious problems who confront a voluntary or inadequate public ambulance trip to hospitals 3 hours away.

Veracruz classifies its public hospitals into 3 classes: 

Class 1 - a community hospital, with a few beds and a few specialists,

Class 2 - a regional "teaching" hospital with a few more beds and a few more specialists, but lacking major diagnostic tools, serious trauma care and a fully stocked pharmacy.  

Class 3 - a  full service hospital, but lacking a full pharmacy of branded drugs.

The closest class 3 hospitals are in Coatzacoalcos and Veracruz City. Nearby San Andrés Tuxtla has a class 2 hospital, Catemaco has a class 1.

In addition there are federal social security hospitals (IMSS), federal government employee hospitals (ISSTE), para governmental hospitals for PEMEX employees, military hospitals and private hospitals ranging from death traps to excellent. San Andrés has the equivalent of a class 2 IMSS hospitals and several small private hospitals. Catemaco has several private clinics with beds for operated patients.

The recent disaster of flooding and road destruction has now produced a beneficial result for the Catemaco population. The class 2 IMSS hospital at Lerdo de Tejada, which sustained major damage during the recent flood, will be abandoned and supposedly converted to a class 1.  Salvageable items were supposedly moved to San Andrés Tuxtla.

Unannounced, but projected, is the conversion of San Andrés into a class 3 hospital, which will probably take a few years, but will be a giant step in the right direction of local healthcare with improved facilites, equipment and specialists for a service area of more than 350 thousand people.

Update: the Veracruz representative for IMSS denies changes in Lerdo and proposes opening a tent hospital.