Air Catemaco

Until some pendejo in the 1960´s closed down the San Andres Tuxtla airport and converted it into a football field and the usual questionable "fraccionamiento", the beautiful downtown Catemaco, Veracruz area actually had air access.

A few planes had previously crashed around Cordoba and other places, but what the hell - during those times that was to be expected. Nowadays the only way to fly to Los Tuxtlas is on the governors or one of his cronies helicopter.

For years, flying into Veracruz from Mexico City was considered one of the most expensive flights in the world, except for maybe flying into Saigon or Baghdad. The cause was and is the usual stranglehold over Mexican business by dinosaured privileged national companies like the Mexicana/Aeronaves combination. Things are looking up. Several discount airlines are circling Veracruz and Coatzacoalcos, - the closest airports to Catemaco. It´s now possible to fly roundtrip to Toluca, next to Mexico City for less than 100 bucks.

They are even talking about building an airport in the San Andres Tuxtla area.That goes under the usual rubric "Mexico Talking", including highways to Montepio, around the Laguna, or across to Minatitlan.

I would just like to see an ultralight aircraft taking passengers to see the wonders of Los Tuxtlas. To hell with those thousands of tourists that want to spend their money here.

Ejido Santa Martha

Only about 40 miles from beautiful downtown Catemaco exists, (barely), the ejido Santa Martha, in the Municipio San Pedro Soteapan. The ejido was formed in the 1960´s primarily by Popoluca indians from the Soteapan City region.


For the past 50 years little has changed in the ejido except for galvanized roofing. Women still dress in the colorful Popoluca way and walk behind their men and their horses.


The pueblo controls the entrance to the upper Santa Marta region via a road that used to lead to El Bastonal above Miguel Hidalgo in Catemaco. The road previously had been used for access to an abandoned (1965?) mine near El Bastonal and also Catemaco and was ordered "non maintained" , apparently on orders from the Biosphere Resere of Los Tuxtlas, intent on stopping penetration of one of the few remaining natural vegetation regions in Los Tuxtlas. At present that road is only a paradise for 4x4 off track venturers.


The people of the village are extraordinarily uptight over outsider presence to the point of inhibiting their passing through the village to the upper parts of Santa Marta Volcano. They base their claim on loss of genetic material to international biological company researchers, thefts of plantations by casual visitors, a litany of broken promises to enhance their lifestyle by administrators of the Reserva de Los Tuxtlas and the government of its own municipio in Soteapan, and 4x4 off roaders.


Meanwhile the village rests at about 1,200 m (about 4,00o feet) above sea level, a few kilometers above the city of Soteapan, on a murderous hill climb, harboring most clandestine tree loggers in the western part of the Santa Marta´s and happily burning its surroundings for more milpas (maize growing fields) in order to survive.

Gringo Conspiracy

Caution: Reading this article may be a violation of The Mexican Constitution's prohibition of meddling by foreigners. You may face deportation!

Mexico probably has more political organizations, bands, blocs, bunches, cabals, camps, caucuses, cells, circles, clans, cliques, clubs, coalitions, combinations, combines, combos, concerns, conclaves, confederacies, conspiracies, contingents, coteries, crews, crowds, designs, divisions, ententes, gangs, guilds, insiders, intrigues, juntas, knots, lobbies, machines, minorities, mobs, networks, offshoots, outfits, partnerships, parties, pressure groups, rings, schisms, sects, sections, sectors, sets, sides, splinter groups, teams, units, unions or wings than any civilized place in the universe.

A tiny little "Gringos for Peje" lobby, dispensing single US dollar bills to prospective voters should be no problem here. After all the Mexican national side is promising and delivering lanchas, monuments, pensions, US citizenship and three chickens in every pot.

This Peje group would be self financed, only being dependent on functioning ATM machines in beautiful downtown Catemaco. As has been previously explained, this is already being sabotaged!

The July 2nd election is near. This foreign conspiracy is probably looking for your support.

Catemaco ducks

Beautiful Laguna Cacemaco in central coastal Veracruz is hot spot vacation resort for Canadian & US ducks. For that matter, my native Popoluca partner tells me, there used to be so many ducks on the laguna that it was hard to see the laguna. And she says "they tasted very good".

Laguna Catemaco is a shallow lake, less than 24ft ( 7m) average depth, and that is a statistic from 8 years ago. The continuing depredation of the hills surrounding the ignored Mexican Laguna Catemaco preserve has probably produced another decrease of the average depth of the laguna by another foot (33 cm) or more through flushing of its hillside debris, communal defecation and perhaps abeyances to the local Chachiuhlicu goddess.

A new Canadian study now revals the real depth of the real duck doodoo. And considering the number of ducks hanging around Laguna Catemaco this is a serious concern. Statistically someone can probably project when Catemaco will be filled in by duck feces, unless, of course the Maxacapan laundries or the liria aquatica (water hyacinths) do it first.

The local gringo culinary expert Vandammed has suggested possibly renamed duck meat to be served as duck l'orange , to coordinate with the local carne de chango, which in its origin has mainly been eaten to the point of extermination, and now only exists as roast pork.

By the way, most of the wintering birds that look like ducks are actually grebes.

Catemaco food shortage

Mexican nutrionists and Los Tuxtlas health authorities are now on high alert to combat the nutritional deficiencies which the absence of pickles in Los Tuxtlas and beautiful downtown Catemaco have created.

Neither the neoliberal capitalistic abusers of culinary delights, Walmart or Soriana, now stock pickles on their shelves. The occasional orphan jars of sliced green things in other small tiendas have also disappeared. Desperate pickle eaters are now crowding the Tuxtlas highways in search of pickles.

A recently interviewed pickle user at Sam´s Club in Veracruz stated "I bought everything they had, sliced, cubed, dilled and freeze dried. To hell with those survivalists in Catemaco".

The Veracruz governor and the local municipal authorities have been advised, and according to informed sources, air drops of pickles will be accompanying the usual dump of sheet metal on deserving communities in Los Tuxtlas.

Anyone experiencing withdrawal symptoms should present him/herself at one of the local out clinics, easily identified by their color schemes of primarily yellow and spouting the words salto, brincon or poder on their exterior walls.

A local Popoluca indian recommended use of chayotes marinated in vinager as a temporary transfusion for those dependent on pickle juice. Local health authorities refused to comment and reiterated their recommendation of saline solution for extreme cases.

Catemaco Water

I am probably paranoid because I think the current water wars in beautiful downtown Catemaco occured after I moved next to the water company and embarrased them to clean up their act.

Or maybe not, because:
1. The water is not fit for human consumption
2. The water pressure is less than than a prostate´s inflamed outflow.
3. Water pressure in the uphill communities of beautiful uptown Catemaco is so low that holding tanks get filled maybe once or twice a week.
4. The flavor of the water is so obnoxious, even my dogs prefer to drink out of rain gutters.

Catemaco depends on deep water wells to provide municipal water. The city lost one of its major wells because the city permitted the still disfunctional sewage system to penetrate the well area. Aside from that, the city could probably drill a dozen wells to capture the aquifers of the surrounding hills.

A quirk in Mexican law allows people not to pay their water bills, (obviously Carlos Slim of Telmex never heard of this). Aside from that, the water lines are so broken that who knows what percentage actually dribbles out of the pipes after being pumped into them.

So to make up for all that, there are now 10 companies in Catemaco, racing around the city and competing to sell bottled water at 12-14 pesos per 5 gallon (19 l) jug. Meanwhile, someone in Xalapa promised to install a municipal water tower in the hills to provide pressured water.

Considering the rain quantities in Los Tuxtlas, it may seem to be ridiculous to complain about water shortages. Shortages actually exist in most communities surrounding Los Tuxtlas. Primarily because everyone shits in their water supply.

Meanwhile, I dug a 3.5 meter well and I get to sprinkle my neighborhood or anyone that walks along. That probably caused the rash of water abuse comments to Xalapa that obligated (4 inspectors, so far), to consider my water abuse, or maybe that goes under the rubric DWG (driving while Gringo).